Poetry #3: Mekayla Ruiz

On Love and Loss

By Mekayla Ruiz


Significance of Moments Fleeting
Sunlight shivers,
Coffee breezes,
The day is light,
And life forgiving, for now

I am at peace,
My favorite song,
A soundtrack specific to me,
I feel I am more, I’m not

Just a shell,
Stagnant with longing,
Unfulfilled dreams,
Sorrowful nothing, That’s life

That lifts me,
Allows me to love,
Riding my time,
Experiencing what I must, but It means nothing

Without loving glances,
Long embraces,
Walks in the rain,
Phone conversations, It’s loss

That shows there is something,
Sweet like candy,
Light and lovely as laughter,
To lose in the first place,


If I could paint anything,
I’d paint you now,
Hair lit with moonlight,
Catching snowflakes,
Melting on our tongues tasteless,

Your eyes wrinkle with joy,
Watching the sky dance,
A brilliant green, a baby pink,
If I could paint anything,
I’d paint you now,

You move with each chilled breeze,
Shivers down your spine,
Your nose as cold as ice,
Bright red among a sea of blue and white,
You beautiful piece of art,

I’d give anything right now,
For the ability to paint,
To capture your essence with a stroke of a brush,
Pale perfection,
Your eyes outshining the moon,

But nothing so simple could capture this,
The music of your laughter,
Dancing with the wind,
No matter how hard I try,
I’ll create but a shadow of you,


You’re like a weed that’s found its way into my head,
Weaving yourself into the blooming love that was already there,
Overwhelming my garden until there’s no room left for the both of you,
And only thoughts of you fill my head,
As your words poke and prod at boundaries I didn't even know were there,
And you breathe fire into all of the places in between,
And the idea of him suffocates in the smoke of you.


My world shivers knowing that all things end,
for an eternity would not be enough of him,

Of his smell,
That overwhelms me and pulls me in until I'm surrounded,
Soaked into the warmth of him,  

Or his tears,
That seem to last forever, an eternal river of sorrow and regret,
For all of the mistakes that he has made,

But his tears are rare,
And my day ignites when he walks into the room,
And his laughter like music fills my world with wonder,

He is my sun,
Shining so enigmatically, so bright,
That I feel my world will never go dark,
And I revolve, around and around with joy in his gravity,

But there is a day where I'll be without him,
And my lungs collapse as my mind travels space and time
To the moment when I’ll receive my death sentence,

He's gone, they'll say,
And I'm afraid my sobs will last forever the way his tears did,

My world will grow dark without my star,
And I'll spin out of control
Without the gravity of his touch that was holding me into place,


The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love
Who are you,
Girl in the mirror,
Paint on your face
To cover the lines from too much laughter,
Smile lines seen as flaws,
To nobody but yourself,
Who are you trying to become?

You are not stone,
Nor plastic perfect,
But a collection of flaws, a canvas of memories,
You are soft,
With eyes of honey,
And cheeks a sweet sunset of color,

Personality gone,
Freckles hidden,
Congratulations, you look like everyone else,
Or nobody,
Your features fit to match society,
But not quite your own anymore,

Who are you,
Shadow of yourself,
A fragment of my imagination,
A piece of art,
Sold and remade in a factory,
Among thousands of others,

Who are you,
Girl in the mirror,
A collage of magazine articles,
Lines fed to you in church,
And comments from boys who mimic their fathers,
You’ve become something else,

Want to be model,
You have lost something in the youtube tutorials,
Search for validation,
Not unlike love,
But severely lacking the flaw, the memory, the individuality,

Where did you go,
Girl I once knew,
Veiled under a parade of masks,
Only to hide some flaws,
The beautiful ones,
The flaws that make you so astoundingly you.

14 thoughts on “Poetry #3: Mekayla Ruiz

  1. Andrew Lange


    First of all, I found your subject matter very relatable, as someone who has endured loss myself to say the least. It’s something which is often difficult to explain with mere words, but poetry does a good job of capturing it.

    Some aspects of your writing which stood out to me would be the phone calls, the fleeting feelings of self-identity, and the struggle to attain acceptance and closure after a loss; for me it took almost a year, if not more; moving 700 miles away was what finally helped me; I had to put myself in a new environment.

    When I lost my mother at age 16, it took months of those “phone calls” and learning to accept a new reality to finally soften the edges of the gaping hole which was left. It takes time.

    You do an excellent job of splitting up some of the various types of loss into their own pieces; infidelity from some other types, for instance. One other thing I really notice is how you vividly document some of the feelings associated with the stages of grief, those moments where you struggle with the various stages of the grief process including even coming to terms with yourself at all.

    One thing I might change would be to give a preface statement explaining why you chose to elaborate on this particular topic, although of course I also realize it may be a sensitive issue, so if that is the case of course don’t feel obligated to share something which might be more personal and close to you. That said, I find your writing extremely relatable as someone who lost a parent shortly after turning 16. I’ve never been in much of an intimate love relationship, so I have never personally experienced infidelity or being cheated upon firsthand, but even losing a family member just leaves you…gutted. It’s almost like you’ve been betrayed, there’s really no other equivalent way to describe it.

    Your “muse” piece in particular calls to me somewhat. The line “If I could paint anything, I’d paint you now” perfectly embodies what it is like to almost idolize a lost loved one. It’s almost as though you find yourself appreciating them in a different dimension than you did prior, in a way that was impossible to while they were still living to boot. Death is an odd thing; it almost makes you realize what you really had, much like the old adage “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”. It applies with loss of any type; hindsight is always 20/20, as they say.

    Overall, I think you did a pretty good job. While I could suggest additions, I also don’t want to hack up your piece of writing and I’m not writing from your personal viewpoint, so I don’t necessarily know what your exact perspective is or what inspired your writing. I hope I don’t sound like I’m just giving empty praise, but I honestly don’t have much to add; I like it just the way it is. If anything, give us a bit of a preface statement, but I also realize it may be a sensitive, more personal topic that might be hard to discuss, and I respect that.

  2. Sierra Russell-McCollum


    Your poems took me on an emotional roller coaster. The emotions and feelings you put into your work was one very well. I like the type of theme you were working with. So many people, like myself, tend to write poems about happiness. I liked that yours wasn’t all rainbows and ponies. I think poetry that shows love and loss is so powerful.

    Throughout all your poems I could tell you where longing for someone. I can feel the hurt in your words and the emotions. It’s all so strong. I am not a big fan on poetry but when it comes to this type of theme I love it. All your poems told a story and they were powerful. I’ve dealt with losing a loved one recently so I can relate to the pain. It’s been two years, so I guess it isn’t recently, but it still hurts. The way you describe grief and they way you went through it broke my heart. I know how it feels when losing someone and I don’t wish that upon anyone. The way you captured the emotions was breathtaking at times.

    My favorite poem would have to be “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love”. I felt like this poem was very powerful and the meaning behind it hit home. There has been plenty of times where I had to look in the mirror and ask myself “who am I?”, getting caught up in societies standards happens so quickly you don’t realize it until you are too deep. I hate seeing little girls growing up, so desperate to fit in the society’s standards of beauty. It saddens me. This poem really makes you think and it was very powerful to read.

    The variety of emotions and loss was portrayed extremely well. There was a variety of everything, from losing yourself, losing a loved one, or the thought of losing a loved one. Your poems were written so well I was consumed in all your poems the entire time I was reading them.

    Another poem I really liked was “Muse”. I could feel the longing you felt for this person who was gone. My favorite line out of that poem would have to be “If I could paint anything, I’d paint you now”. This really touched my heart. The descriptions of this person’s face your describing was so clear. It was like you were painting a picture, but instead of a canvas and paint you where using your words. Everything flowed together so smoothly making it easy and enjoyable to read. I really loved all of your work. It hit me in the feels everytime I read a new poem. Your still is incredible and I can’t wait to read more of your work.

  3. Michelle Cordova


    You did an incredible job at showing your emotions through your words in each poem. Each one was so different, yet equally beautiful as you covered two of the most relatable topics known to man- love and loss.

    Your first poem “Significance of Moments Fleeting” definitely pulled at my heart strings, and all I could feel was a sense of your pain. “Without loving glances, long embraces, walks in the rain, phone conversations, its loss” really hit home for me. All of these things that we take for granted can be quickly taken away, and that is a loss, a daily sting, unlike any other. Beautiful poem!

    “Muse” is also amazing, and as I read through your poetry pack, it was clear that you put a lot of time and effort into this assignment. Your descriptions make this poem come to life, and you make it easy for anyone to imagine a loved one they would paint, catching snowflakes, red nose and all. Staying on the topic of loss, this was a perfect fit as it really captures the difficulty in remembering, or painting, someone as lively and beautiful as we remember them to be.

    The only thing I can really critique within your poetry pack is in “Infidelity.” A beautiful short poem, for sure, however, I believe it is supposed to be at least 10 lines long. I think that adding a few more lines would allow you to give a little more detail about the person you lost, or maybe even explain why this person is still someone you cling to. Again, beautiful poem!

    “Quietus” and “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love” are my favorite poems within your poetry pack, for different reasons, obviously. In “Quietus,” the moment when I’ll receive my death sentence and my world will grow dark without my star are such powerful lines and make me think of my husband and kids, as losing any one of the them would truly be a death sentence and create such a dark hole in my heart that only they can fill. Your last poem, for me, truly captures the feelings that many teenage girls experience when trying to find out who they are and what their purpose is. Sometimes this world can be so cruel, telling us how we should look, what we should wear, and how we must act that it is easy to lose track of our true selves.

    Overall, I think your poetry back is incredibly strong, and you should be proud of your work! I hope to read more from you in the future! Good luck!

  4. Katherine Whelchel

    Hey Mekayla!

    You have created some very beautiful poems! I loved the theme of them. It was not very direct, but they all held a similar fragrance; words of love for others, and for yourself. You did a very good job at soaking your words with your heart and motivation. The order of your poems seems to be unintentionally strategic. Starting and ending with a poem speaking of your out internal thoughts of your personal life, and the middle filled with words of love towards a man. After reading your poems in order, I was left with a deep sense of conclusion. Everything was very well rounded

    “Significance of Moments Fleeting” was a beautiful start to your collection. It was wise the way you demonstrated your motivation for this poem through the shortness of your lines. The staccato flow of your stanzas gave life to your idea of ‘moments fleeting. A breathless life was given to your words! The pictures you painted were also very relatable. Everyone has moments in their lives where they come face to face with the reality of how fast life moves and that we are all very very mortal here on earth.

    “Quietus” was an interesting poem to read. Your words were very poignant and seemed to come from emotions so strong, that they hurt. Your descriptions of him being your sun that you revolved around and the very thing that held you in place, startled me with their strength. In a way, I began to wonder the situations that led up to your deep dependence on this person. Did you simply grow in love? Did you experience a hard situation with this person? I am not saying that you need to include this, I am simply intrigued by the depth of your passion for this person. I will be referencing this poem when trying to come up with powerful descriptions. Well done!

    Your last poem, “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love” was also very relatable and clearly has been a long journey. As I was reading, I began to ponder how we can become so materialistic. There seems to be times of fluctuation, where the more we look at others on social media, the more we believe that we need to do life like them. Buy the products they use, wear what they wear, and do our makeup just like them. I will find myself overwhelmed sometimes from analyzing the attributes of others because I personally feel inadequate. What a beautiful journey to put materials in their place, and walk in confidence of our value! Every person must make this decision.

    Your poems are very well done! I enjoyed reading them, and I look forward to reading what you produce in the future.

  5. Aundrea Pierce


    I could feel your emotions and sense your genuine heartfelt tone while reading your collection. I’ve been impressed with all of the talents so far from everyone; I’m very happy I didn’t have to workshop my poetry (wow what a mess in comparison). Overall I like the way you worded the lines, I can’t explain what I mean, but the way you choose to form each line I found to be unique. I’m always struggling not to repeat the same word like “my” or “I” at the beginning of each line. I hope you kind of understand what I’m saying! Another thing I liked was that most of your pieces left me with wanting to know more!

    “Significance of Moments Fleeting,” in four words you painted the setting, that’s nice! At first, I wasn’t sure why you mentioned “sunlight” and “the day is light” but when I thought more about it, it sounds like you’re not talking about light from the sky, but rather the weight. Then you mention “forgiving” so it makes sense to have a “light” feeling with the day. I loved this line, “Just a shell, Stagnant with longing.” I noticed each stanza ended with a similar notion of “hey this is the cold hard truth.”

    “Muse” left me with the most curiosity and wonder! I’m itching to know what beautiful being you want to capture. The words “baby pink” made me think of a baby girl. I would almost give my left arm for the ability to paint. The last stanza was my favorite because so many people write about “painting” someone, but I felt your last stanza makes your piece stand out. Honestly, this was probably my favorite stanza out of all your pieces. You’re right; there are things you just can’t capture, leaving one with a “shadow.”

    “Infidelity” was short, and I personally prefer shorter poems. I enjoyed this one too. I’m grateful to say I’ve never experienced infidelity, but you painted a good picture for me to imagine. I think it would have given the piece a more firey touch if you included some of the words that poked your head!
    Your first line in “Queitus” is a good hook in because everyone can relate to that feeling. I wasn’t as engaged in this piece, while I was reading I couldn’t find a rhythm or flow to cling to. However, I do like the overall message.

    My favorite piece of your collection is “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love.” This was wonderful to read, I really enjoyed the reflective tone. I’m one year away from thirty, so I find myself picking at my face a lot longer in the mirror lately. I like the flow and tempo of this piece as well. “Lines fed to you in church, And comments from boys who mimic their fathers,” these two lines were brilliant, great job. Based on your poetry I can tell you are a person who’s felt pain, but your beauty shines through your words, and I see no flaws!

  6. Aubri Stogsdill


    ‘Significance of Moments Fleeting’ Was so sad! I felt this longing in you for something more, yet an emptiness found in each reach. I feel like you did a great job of conveying what loss is like in this poem. Everyone experiences loss, so it felt pretty relatable. There have been many times in my life when I’ve felt a deep emptiness in my heart particularly after a loss. A need to be known, loved, and to love and yet the absence of those things. Great poem!

    ‘Muse’ was so lovely! It seems like you’re describing someone that you love. This poem was so tender and sweet to read. I loved the ending where you talked about a shadow and how your attempt to capture the essence of this person would fall short.

    DANG ‘Infidelity’ is intense. The pain of this situation is so evident and awful. I loved the language that you used here.

    Honestly, I’m not sure what to say about ‘Quietus’ other than it was amazing. I SO enjoyed this poem. Again, you’re bringing up the pain of loss, and the breaking of a bond that means so much to you. I enjoy reading of love, yet the reality of loss is so painful.

    ‘The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love’ was such an inspiring poem! Its incredible how much insecurity can develop with so many outside voices gently telling us that we aren’t good enough. As a woman who deals with similar struggles on the daily, hearing this poem was encouraging to me. Why do we hide who we are just to fit in? I just saw a video the other day about this girl who woke up one day and realized she didn’t want to wear makeup at all, but she did it because she felt she HAD to in order to conform to what society says is beautiful. I loved what you said about the fact that we aren’t plastic. Such a wonderful poem! (: I enjoyed your writing so much. Poetry is not my favorite thing… But I’d read your stuff any day! (:

    1. Naimy Schommer

      I like your interpretation of “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love.” The video you referenced helps give my interpretation of it a little more depth.

  7. Naimy Schommer


    This collection is packed with beautiful imagery!

    Significance of Moments Fleeting
    Alright. So I really really love all the beautiful imagery here, but I can’t make concrete interpretations of them in this poem. Everything is abstract, but the beautiful abstract things need to be tied to something concrete in order for them to make sense. This poem sounds great. I read it out loud to a friend and they said “Wow that’s lovely. What does it mean?” but I don’t know. I think this poem is exquisitely describing something…I’m just not sure what that something is.

    This is my favorite poem from your collection. This is the perfect marriage of abstract and concrete images that give me a clear picture of what you’re getting at. I love the fourth and fifth stanzas: “Pale perfection,/Your eyes outshining the moon,” and “I’ll create but a shadow of you,” are my favorite lines. I think this poem could use a little more punctuation. It would break up your thoughts a little more and give a more organized structure to this lovely poem.

    Very conflicted. I can feel it. This one is hard to read because you can just feel the weight of the raw emotion. Heart-breaking but awesome.

    First of all: what a creative title. I think that the titles of poems carry more weight than people typically give them credit for, but this one really sets the reader up for the poem. I like it. This poem aches and throbs and is heart-wrenching. I like how you touch on the different senses, the second stanza that starts with “of his smell” is probably my favorite in terms of imagery. I think that this poem could benefit from more punctuation as well.

    The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love
    This poem is convicting. I think its also something that a lot of people could benefit from reading, which is one goal of writing. I think this poem, while true and convicting, could dive a little deeper into thought. WHY does this girl put on masks? Who was she before she did? How have her masks changed her? There’s a great opportunity for an expansion of characterization here that could benefit the overall message.

    These poems are heavy and hard to read because of the feelings they evoke–which is a good thing. They are convicting and full of beautiful abstract imagery. Keep writing!

  8. Monica Gallagher

    Your honesty is killer! The grit and gusto in your work is very apparent. There is gusto but it’s subtle and monotone, which makes it even more real. It’s just there, it’s not trying to be anything or do anything. The words are like concrete, yet they’re able to seep in and be completely relatable. It doesn’t even matter if it’s known exactly what you’re speaking about, it’s just an unspoken knowing that I felt when I was reading through it. I felt like, ya I’ve been there.

    “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love” was pretty great and I challenge you to post that on media, so that other women can read that and be inspired. The reiteration of “Who are you / Girl in the mirror” is powerful and represents a wake-up call. That repetition felt like a drop beat in a song calling me to pay attention to what was being said. It really brought the reader in and made them think, I can really respect and appreciate that.

    “A canvas of memories” is such a good line. It’s a very thoughtful way to present the subject of age and so-called imperfections. “Search for validation / Not unlike love / But severely lacking the flaw, the memory, the individuality”, I love this! This is everyone. This has always been a curse for women, but it’s starting to crossover to men as well. It is a sensational phenomena that seems to be out of control. It’s overtaking our society to the point of not ever being able to go back. Like a disease that has no cure. “Veiled under a parade of masks” is the only way anyone wants to exist. It’s the only way that we’re allowed to exist. It seems like the people that do go outside of the box, eventually become haunted because of it. Major societal issue, truly is. If you haven’t seen “Missrepresenation” you need to watch it, it’s definitely on this same vein.

    I like the title “Quietus”, haven’t heard it before and I thought that it was very original and unique. In “infidelity”, I thought that it was really creative to liken your situation to a garden. That metaphor was so good, I was hoping it followed through till the end, I was waiting for where it was going to go, but then the garden was gone. In “Muse”, my favorite was the last line, “I’ll create but a shadow of you”, it’s very ominous and creative. Your collection overall was mysterious and interesting, and I like that. Not of the ordinary.

    In your first poem, I liked how confusing your first couple of lines are, it made me think and heightened my curiosity. “Sunlight shivers”, I can recall this exactly when I was living in Alaska. The sun is out, shining so bright, but your shivering, because it’s super cold outside. “Coffee breezes” makes me laugh and makes me think about driving by a little coffee island shop and smelling the coffee.

    Great mysterious work my friend!

  9. Caitlyn Williams


    I love how the stanzas melted with each other in your first poem! It shows an interesting format, and keeps the reader pulled in, I also really liked the emotions that were braided into each poem; you used ‘concrete to abstract’ really well. I also really liked how the structure of your poems varied, it makes for an interesting collection!

    “Muse” was one of my favorites of your collection, I love your descriptions, and the last stanza got to me. Some moments cannot be recreated exactly, and this poem captured that. I also liked the verbs you chose to use in your poem.

    “Infidelity” really caught my attention. Your metaphor of being a weed in your head that overtook the garden you already had speaks volumes about infidelity and the mixed emotions that follow.
    I loved the way you ended your collection with The First Steps to Acceptance and Self Love, it left me with a feeling of appreciation. We are all different, yet the same. I like your choice of words in the second stanza. The way you describe her as being a “canvas of memories” really captured my attention. Your description of her eyes and cheeks were also astonishing.

    Overall your collection is amazing, I loved how simply your introduced the collection as being On Love and Loss, this gave me an idea of what it was going to be about, and your creativity hit home! It’s simple yet captivating, easy to decipher yet abstract. I love it, it’s creative expression as clear as day. Great work!

  10. Cassidy Kramer

    Hello Mekayla!
    First off, all your poems are very deep and personal, and that’s what I like about them. I believe that many readers are longing to read the things that are very personal. Some people enjoy them because they relate, and others enjoy them because it seems as if they are preparing to relate, or wanting to learn what the feeling is. With that said, I am a reader that wants to learn what you are feeling. I have never lost someone that is very close to me. Learning what it feels like through other’s experiences can sort of prepare me, because death is inevitable.
    The first poem “Significance of Moments Fleeting” was very beautiful. I liked how you added this poem in your collection because it fits well. It makes me realize all the things that I am taking advantage of, some things that can quickly be gone. Things I don’t realize I will miss in the future, I will realize that there was something, because I lost it. Your last stanza is the one that stuck out to me the most.
    I also loved the next poem “Muse”. Its imagery is significant. You captured a simple moment and turned it into a full poem. You pulled out every single sense and transferred them to the reader. “Hair lit with moonlight” as the first visual, “Melting on our tongues tasteless” for taste, for sound you included “music of your laughter”, “Nose as cold as ice” as feeling, and instead of smell you used the word “essence”. I love how you interchanged these different senses throughout the poem, and you made it very easy for the reader feel and picture what you saw and felt in that single moment.
    When I first read the title of the next poem “Infidelity”, my heart screamed. You did a very good job creating infidelity into a weed that is inside of your mind. You clearly stated that every time you think of him, infidelity suffocates and shoots it down. As heartbreaking as it was for me to read, I really enjoyed it. Again, you did a great job of helping a reader that doesn’t relate, learn what it is like.
    I thought that I was heartbroken with “Infidelity”, and I was not yet ready for “Quietus”. This poem was extremely beautiful, and you do a great job of showing your feelings.
    Lastly, I like how you ended the collection with the poem “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love”. I like how you named it this and not just “Acceptance” or not just “Self-Love”. You noted that these were the first steps. Realizing that you aren’t who you want to be. Coming into reality and realizing the areas that need to be brought out again, or for the first time are the first steps.
    You did an amazing job at portraying your feelings through your poems. You made them easy to understand with so much meaning to each line. Great job!

  11. Corbin Knapp

    “Significance of Moments Fleeting” is an interesting poem, that I enjoyed reading, but at some points I was confused at your choice of words. For example parts of the poem like, “ Coffee breezes.” and, “Riding my time.” confused me when I was reading them because I had difficulty in connecting them with moments fleeting. Does Coffee breezes mean coffee in the morning? And how is that a fleeting moment when it happens every day? And as for riding my time I was confused at the meaning of that as well. Do you mean biding your time? Or do you mean that time is like a fair ride? Besides a couple of those instances in the poem I was confused at, I found the poem flowed really well and was easy to understand.

    “Muse” has more relatable words in it and is generally less confusing for me than “Significance of Moments Fleeting.” I particularly enjoyed how throughout the poem you were using your words to describe your significant other and how you would paint him,“No matter how hard I try, I’ll create but a shadow of you.” This is a very creative use of abstract words that connects back to the title of the poem, and I am glad that you included your imagination in your writing. Grammar wise this poem was very clear and correct, and flowed smoothly through the whole poem.

    I was slightly confused at the title “Infidelity” that you chose for the third poem in your collection. I enjoyed your poem immensely, but I was confused on how the poem connected with the title. It was well written and used interesting and creative similes. Some of the more interesting similes that I read were, “As your words poke and prod at boundaries I didn’t even know were there.” and “You’re like a weed that’s found its way into my head.”

    I thought that your poem “Quietus“ was well written, but I didn’t really understand what happened throughout the poem. You started out the poem saying that all things end, then go into how you love your significant other. Then you say that he’s gone, which leaves me a bit confused at what happened. Did he leave you? What made you so distressed? I think that “Quietus” would be less confusing with more elaboration, but I liked the words you chose and your lines flowed together smoothly.

    My favorite poem out of your collection was definitely, “The Firsts Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love.” The theme of the poem was very real, and your words of wisdom throughout the poem made this very relatable to anybody who has trouble keeping confidence in themselves or their abilities. I especially liked the last line where you tell the reader (and yourself) that you should not hide the flaws that makes everybody who they are. There is nothing I think you could improve on this poem.

  12. Ben Knapp

    I really enjoyed reading your poetry. You make heavy use of metaphor, and the flow of your work was good. Without the title, I might have had difficulty understanding what the theme of your collection, but in context, I can see how your poems fit together. A few of your poems were a bit gloomy, but your more cheerful poems did help to offset them a bit. Overall, I think your poems were great!

    Despite being very good, your first poem, “Significance of Moments Fleeting,” did confuse me a little. Reading the poem, I do get the impression that the narrator is listening to music and letting her mind wander. However, other than this, I’m not really sure what the poem was about. That is not to say that the poem itself wasn’t good. You exhibit an impressive use of metaphor, and the composition was excellent. Nevertheless, I would have liked to see a little more concrete detail in the poem as to what you were actually writing about.

    Another poem that stood out to me was “Muse.” The first stanza of this poem really draws the reader in, and helps to set up later elements of the poetry by introducing the subject of the poem and how the narrator would like to make a painting of him. It then smoothly flows into the next stanza, in which you continue on by describing the subject of the poem. Before long, the poem has switched gears from “If I could” to “the ability to paint.” You end the poem perfectly with the line “No matter how hard I try, I’ll create but a shadow of you.” This is an amazing line, and wraps up the poem perfectly.

    The poem I enjoyed most out of all of your poems was “The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love.” This poem is not only brutally honest, but also beautifully written. The first few stanzas of the poem are devoted to the narrator describing herself. Early on, it is clear that the narrator is questioning what she has become over the years. This is perfectly represented by the lines “Who are you, Girl in the mirror.”

    The next set of stanzas are devoted entirely to self—doubt. By this, I mean doubting things, such as makeup, that hides who someone truly is. You sum up these doubts with the lines “Who are you trying to become?” You end the poem by looking back at who you once were, and how far you have come since then. My favorite line, in the last stanza, perfectly summarizes this “Where did you go, Girl I once knew.”

    Overall, I thought your poetry was really good. I think the flow and rhythm of your work were effective, which really helped the reader focus on the poetry, rather than worrying about how the poem might be choppy or irregular. Your use of metaphor was also pleasant, and it made reading your poetry enjoyable. Your poems were excellent, and I hope you choose to write more!

  13. Jessica Honebein

    Mekayla! I like that it just started out with the poems and there was no background. I think that that helped to add mystery and helped the poems speak for themselves. I loved the titles of your poems, they caught my attention and drew me in to want to read more.

    Significance of Moments Fleeting- I think that this poem drew me in and really tugged at the heart strings. It was a good poem to begin with it really wanted to make me read more and indulge in all your other poems. It is interesting the things that we realize that we lost that we never honestly knew we were taking for granted.

    Muse- I have now excepted that I think all your poems are going to tug at my heart strings. In the beginning of the poem you talk about the extreme want to paint “you.” It really makes me wonder who you are wanting to express to the world and I do want to know why they are so important. I think that a loss can always be extremely hard, and wanting someone to come back, even if it is just on a piece of paper can be a wish that many have. I thik in this poem you help to capture and share how much someone can truely be missed by simply just stated you wanted to paint them.

    Infedielity- I think that this poem, although short, was very good at getting into the readers imagination. I was able to picture all the emotions that were talked about in the peom and how they managed to affect you as the author. I think that this one is one of my favorites out of them all that you have wrote.

    Queitus- I absolutely loved the last line when you talked about gravity and him holding you in place. I think that this honestly tells the reader how important this person is to you and thoughout the poem you explained why he was so important to you. Having such a strong loss is nothing that I enjoy experiencing and I think it is amazing you are able to write so deeply about it all.

    The First Steps to Acceptance and Self-Love- I think that the last poem really can relate to everyone as well. In todays world it is easy to get caught up in everything that society wants you to be, instead of what you truely want to be. It is amazing to me that you were able to also count this as a loss and tie it into the sad poems of experiencing loss as well. I think that it also went along with the theme because it was about learning how to cope with yourself and who you truely are as a person.

    Overall I enjoyed reading all of your poems, they did contain a sad sense that made me really think about life. However, I still really enjoyed all the messages that I obtained from them and I feel that they also helped me learn more about you as the author which is always nice expecially when they are just short sweet little poems.

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