“Was it a Terrible Coincidence? I Think Not!'
Have you ever thought about how sometimes a massive world, with billions of people, can seem so small? Have you ever noticed how many “Oh wow, what a small world!' stories you hear? How many of those funny coincidences have you personally experienced? Did you have a lot of friends later in life who grew up in the same area you did? Did your first college roommate have family in the same city you were born in? I sometimes swear that I must be a proverbial magnet for these mysterious ‘coincidences’; they are statistically fairly common if you consider that alleged ‘factor of seven’ when it comes to someone knowing someone else, but I would even go so far as to say, without a doubt, that most of mine go above and beyond a mere seven people having at least one mutual connection.
I would hypothesize that where and when I grew up predisposed me to more of these so-called “coincidences'. When I was still quite young, in fact before I can even remember much, my parents broke up. I was born in central California, but after my parents became separated I would visit my father in Sitka and Port Alexander, Alaska during the summers. (He had moved back there). A lot of people would spend summers in that area, working in the commercial fishing industry, then return home, often to somewhere in California; in fact, many boats even had places near where I spent my childhood in California as hailing ports listen on their sterns. When I was 10, my mother began to succumb to the effects of depression and alcoholism, and I ended up moving in with my dad. Two child custody cases later, I was officially an Alaska resident. I spent my teenage years in an extremely rural area; in a town of less than 100 people, everyone literally knew everyone. Of course, to use Facebook terminology, this meant that we were all mutual friends.
That said, I eventually started discovering that my friends and neighbors still had more than you might initially guess in common with me. In Sitka and Port Alexander, Alaska, as a teenager, I discovered that three people I knew fairly well had also been on the dead-end dirt road I spent the first ten years of my life on in Atascadero, California- and knew it well. Who would have thought? Granted, in every case it had been long before I was even born, but as a teenager this still blew my mind. It eventually turned out that quite a few people knew that area of California quite well- and people I knew in California knew my area of Alaska exceptionally well to boot; many had passed right by small, rural, isolated Port Alexander, Alaska where I spent my middle and high school years.
During my final semester of high school, I experienced one of these coincidences that not only blew my mind at the time, along with those of everyone around me at the time, but still has lasting implications (but at least they’re good implications) to this day. I was surfing an Internet forum related to military vehicles, posted on someone’s thread, they noticed my location was Alaska, and proceeded to message me asking where. I revealed where, explaining I was living outside Sitka. Believe it or not, their aunt and uncle owned a local brewery. I asked if they were going to UAF once they explained they were moving to Fairbanks that August, and sure enough they were. We decided to apply as roommates. However, arguably the best moment in the entire story would be where, as an 18-year-old, I had only recently signed up for an account with Facebook, and looked him up. Upon viewing his profile, we both did a double take when we discovered we had the same birthday. When we finally revealed this to our respective parents, they were of course all but blown away. We couldn’t hardly believe it either ourselves. Our respective parents immediately thought of us as more or less a member of their families. He’s become well-known in his discipline, and other people always get a kick out of it when they learn I was his first college roommate when he was exchanging to University of Alaska.
Another equally bizarre occurrence, right along the very same lines, happened not long after I arrived at UAF as an incoming freshman. I had been in Fairbanks for about a month, and although I was slowly becoming familiar with the city I was still very much in that mode of waving locals down to ask for directions: “Excuse me, where is Fred Meyer located?' I’m on the city transit bus, asking the driver of the mostly-empty bus for directions. Of course, this leads to the ice-breaker, “Where are you from?' I explain that I’m from Atascadero, California, but most recently lived in Sitka and Port Alexander, Alaska. Lo and behold, he knows both areas, down to street names and everything. As the bus nears downtown, the conversation shifts to the decrepit 11-story Polaris Building, whose broken, boarded-over windows and peeling tan paint overlook the Fairbanks skyline: “Are they ever going to do anything about this eyesore?' The conversation leads down a rabbit hole concerning earthquake retrofitting, lead paint, asbestos, and buildings tied down on registers of historic places so although they cannot be demolished, will eventually fall down of their own accord. Eventually it circles back around to Atascadero and a couple 1910’s brick buildings there which are historic landmarks that are presently being restored following a 2003 earthquake that killed two people and leveled much of another small town less than 15 minutes away; I can still hear the wicked sound of that quake in my head over a decade later. I reach what should be my stop and get off the bus. Two hours later, I’m back waiting for the bus. Mind you, I’ve gone to a driving school to register for classes. I get back on the bus, same driver, same route. Bus is again more or less empty, so I strike up conversation with the driver. Going through the stop-and-go Fairbanks traffic, the subject of driving comes up, along with learning to drive. In the winter. In Alaska. In snow and ice. He’s commenting on how for him he’s more of a truck driver, not a go-fast type. I anecdotally relate how I had some of my first driving lessons in a fifty-year-old Army-surplus, Vietnam-era ‘Deuce and a Half’ with its funky five speed manual shift pattern (5th gear in an odd spot compared to most cars or pickups) and completely manual ‘Armstrong’ steering, and lo and behold I’ve just met another military vehicle enthusiast. Mind you, this is exactly how my first college roommate and I met.
I’m relating that story to him- and he knows the exact Internet forum where that happened. He’s floored: “Wow, that’s really tempting fate, same birthday?' I get off the bus, back at the university campus, walk up to my third-floor dormitory, and greet said roommate with ‘You won’t BELIEVE what just happened just now'.
Stories like this make me swear that I am somehow a proverbial magnet for this kind of thing, though it also helps that in this age of the Internet people are all the more interconnected than they previously were. It makes you feel special, and makes you realize how much of an effect you have on other people; you manage to touch people in ways you never before imagined. People really are interconnected in the funniest ways; it makes you wonder how many cases of this you miss every day, every hour, simply because not every stranger talks to every other stranger. It’s particularly funny and ironic when you’re a college student who intentionally moved 700 miles away from your one surviving parent to gain new experiences, yet you immediately encounter people from both of your childhood hometowns; even if you wanted to get away, it’s nearly impossible to actually do so.
Monica Gallagher
I appreciate your story and the serendipitous nature of the events you describe in it. It truly is a small world. Sometimes you think it’s just a coincidence and then other times when you make meaningful relationships or experiences out of it, you realize that there may be something bigger going on. The way that you wrote the story really developed your personality and character. Talking to the bus driver is not something everyone does, it makes you wonder as the reader, if you’re opening up to serendipity because of your outgoing nature.
Reading these personal essays, I find myself trying to rewrite or input things that would be great for the story. Kind of a personal essay turned fiction. I was hoping that your roommate ended up being your long-lost love or something grand like that. Just a thought that I thought I would share with you and now that’s implanted in your brain forever. Like most of the other personal essays too, I feel like I want there to be a more climactic event that makes the essay have this major event. As I said in the other ones, I guess sometimes life isn’t necessarily like that. I would imagine there may be one of those epic stories in your earlier life with your mom, but then again sometimes that kind of stuff happens and that’s it. It’s a personal choice of how much we choose to dig in to those or even what we can remember.
Maybe this will add to your synchronicity belt, not a lot, but a little. My parents were from Long Beach, CA and they moved up to Anchorage before having me and my brother. Yup. That’s the extent of that commonality. When I was living in Anchorage, I used to think that those synchronistic events were only because I lived in Alaska, but it still has happened to me in the lower 48. I think it must happen to all of us to a certain extent. You are right with yours being ultra-magnet, and I think there are those people too. I like to think of angels up above somewhere in the universe putting those things into place and waiting for reactions and events to ensue.
I was able to read your essay effortlessly, there were no flaws in your grammar and it was portrayed in a good narration type form. The part at the end where you said, “even if you wanted to get away, it’s nearly impossible to actually do so”, reminds me of that saying, ‘wherever you go, there you are’. I know a lot of people including myself that moved away for that specific reason and many of the same issues they were dealing with are very much still there. That and you always meet other people who have similar baggage or even know people in your six degrees of separation circle and it just gets kind of suffocating. At the same time comforting.
Aubri Stogsdill
Hey Andy,
Your essay was interesting! We really do live in a very small world. Its incredible the number of connections you can have with random people on a public bus! One thing I was curious about is the ‘factor of seven’ thing. I’ve never heard of that, so a bit more explanation would have helped me a bit to understand your essay more!
A few suggestions on sentence structure…
“When I was still quite young, in fact before I can even remember much, my parents broke up.†I think this sentence ends a bit abruptly. Perhaps rearranging the words a bit would help here?
“(He had moved back there).†This info seemed a bit unnecessary… As a reader, it sort of made sense to me that he would have moved away after the split.
“That said, I eventually started discovering that my friends and neighbors still had more than you might initially guess in common with me.†The wording here is a bit odd… Maybe say, Eventually, I discovered that my friends and neighbors had an abnormal amount of things in common with me.â€
“In Sitka and Port Alexander, Alaska, as a teenager, I discovered†Switching this around a bit would help a lot. Maybe say, “As a teenager in Sitka and Porter Alaska, I discovered…†This gets rid of extra words that aren’t adding to the sentence.
“During my final semester of high school, I experienced one of these coincidences that not only blew my mind at the time, along with those of everyone around me at the time,†You say, “at the time†twice, very close together. Maybe use a different phrase?
“I was surfing an Internet forum related to military vehicles, posted on someone’s thread, they noticed my location was Alaska,†I think adding an ‘and’ just before ‘they noticed’ would add a lot to this sentence.
“We couldn’t hardly believe it either ourselves.†This is a confusing sentence. Maybe say, “We ourselves could hardly believe it.â€
“The conversation leads down a rabbit hole concerning earthquake retrofitting, lead paint, asbestos, and buildings tied down on registers of historic places so although they cannot be demolished, will eventually fall down of their own accord.†This sentence is confusing… it starts off good and then it feels like an incomplete thought.
“Bus is again more or less empty,†Maybe say ‘this’ at the beginning of this sentence.
“People really are interconnected in the funniest ways; it makes you wonder how many cases of this you miss every day, every hour, simply because not every stranger talks to every other stranger.†You say the word every four times in the sentence. I know words are sometimes repeated in writing to accentuate, but that was not your intent, using another word may be better here.
Hope this is helpful for you! (:
Aundrea Pierce
Andy,
I like how you opened up with a conversation with the reader. By the way, I live in central California. I take these coincidences you described throughout your piece as a “sign.†I find it rather comforting and assuring that I’m on the right path in life. In your ending paragraph you were very insightful and made me go into deep thought when I read, “People really are interconnected in the funniest ways; it makes you wonder how many cases of this you miss every day, every hour, simply because not every stranger talks to every other stranger.â€
From the reader’s point of view I found your tone to be friendly and upbeat with the “mind you†and “that said†phrases. I’m a reader who likes to be there experiencing what the writer is/had experienced. I felt you described a lot of your scenes in a simple manner and would have liked to “feel†it more. For example:
“Eventually it circles back around to Atascadero and a couple 1910’s brick buildings there which are historic landmarks that are presently being restored following a 2003 earthquake that killed two people and leveled much of another small town less than 15 minutes away; I can still hear the wicked sound of that quake in my head over a decade later.â€
I got a bit overwhelmed while reading this very long scenario. Your descriptions would be more lively if you threw in some imagery; what did the quake sound like?
“As the bus nears downtown, the conversation shifts to the decrepit 11-story Polaris Building, whose broken, boarded-over windows and peeling tan paint overlook
the Fairbanks skyline: “Are they ever going to do anything about this eyesore?†Here you painted a better picture for the reader to imagine.
I found your story topic to be unique and yes I am intrigued by these coincidences with strangers. I’ve lived in the military community my whole life, and we experience these encounters a lot! For instance, I just meet a lady at my daughter’s soccer game, and through our conversation, I discovered that her daughter is in my daughter’s class, her daughter has the same birthday as me, and they lived on Kadena Air Base Japan just like I did. The whole reason I approached her was to ask if her puppy was a Wirehaired Griffon because I was intently trying to find someone who breeds Griffons! Her pup was the first Griffon I ever saw in person. Enough about me, I hope this all helps you in the future. Thanks for sharing your story, I’m glad everything has worked out for you!
Jessica Honebein
Andy! I think it was interesting that you linked the whole essay together with the subject of coincidences. I think that the story was easy to follow and you had a couple (mainly the roommate) very impactful coincidences that have happened in your life. I think that throughout the essay more and more of your character began to shine. For example when you decided to strike conversation up with the bus driver it shows your friendly. The essay also explores and reveals some of your hobbies and interests. I think that your essay does make the reader question rather they have impactful coincidences like the ones you have experienced. I think that the essay answers any questions that the reader may have throughout the story and leaves them with a solid thought on what you were really trying to say throughout the essay, or what your moral of the story was.
I did like how the story was written and how it kept my attention. However, I think the most impactful story was the one about meeting your roommate. I almost wanted to hear more about it, and if you ended up rooming with him, and how that experience was. I thought in after reading about that coincidence it was going to be about finding another friend through similar hobbies. The structure and theme of just being coincidences and a “small world†does work though because you are still giving plenty of insight into your life and events that have changed it. The other thing that could help enhance your writing is just adding a little more “juicy†words or descriptions into the essay. The only time I really felt a lot of description is when you described the bus drivers appearance. The last thing that I think would help the essay is if the beginning did not have so many questions, and maybe dive in with backstory to catch the reader’s up instead. The questions almost created a distraction before you got to the moral of the story. I do not think the questions necessarily harmed the essay, there were just a lot of them in one paragraph (which like I said may have been the attention grabber you were going for).
Throughout this essay I feel like I was someone in the background, viewing someone’s life story. I think that it took me on a journey of thoughts when it came to coincidences and I had to ask myself if I had any “small town†experiences. I definitely relate to the small town, everyone knows everyone, experience since I also grew up in a small town. I would have to say that growing up in a small town I think does help you lead to a lot of coincidences. I also think that living in a town that is huge on fishing (like Seward), or huge on tourism (Alaska in general) can cause for a lot of overlap in people. Overall I think that your story was relatable and easy to follow as you went through each different experience and coincidence.
Michelle Cordova
Hi Andy,
You really do have an interesting story to tell, and you have an interesting way of telling it! I enjoyed the way you focused on coincidences and circled everything back around to that notion. I also liked how you thoroughly explained the ways in which you feel you are a magnet for connections out of your control.
I suppose you are right, now that I think about it, how many of us are mutual friends, often times not realizing it. My husband, an Apache helicopter pilot, seems to tell me of these types of stories more times than I can count. Is the Apache, or even Army, community really that small or was his trip to some small town where he ran into a man in a diner who knew his grandfather (who was also a pilot) a coincidence? Is there an underlying purpose we often fail to see or relationships we miss out on simply because we don’t attempt to make conversation with new people? It really is interesting to think about, and I will surely be combing through memories to find connections I may have missed!
I truly felt that your essay followed a clear storyline and was easy to follow all while giving the reader a glimpse into who you are as a person. From your past to your present encounters and the way you project your feelings onto paper, it is clear that you are a thoughtful person who chooses to seize the moment, unafraid to spark up a conversation and see where it leads.
However, there were a few places throughout the story where I felt a different choice of words would have worked better. For instance, in the fourth paragraph, first sentence, the second use of “at the time†is not necessary, and words such as extremely and eventually are overrated in writing. In all honesty, I feel that your paper is well written and that you gave a great backstory and clear descriptions, and critiquing your essay is difficult! I appreciate your unique topic and the way you drew me in with it!
Thank you for sharing your experiences and I hope everything works out in Fairbanks, or wherever else life may lead you, and I hope I get the opportunity to read more from you in the future!
Ben Knapp
Your essay was well written and had a nice flow to it. I enjoyed your descriptions of the events that took place during your move to Fairbanks. You portray the shock and amazement at the coincidences that take place in a way that kept me wondering what was going to happen next.
I enjoyed your storytelling throughout the work. However, there are places where your writing could be a little smoother. For instance, the large paragraph toward the end contained multiple ideas, and it might have been a bit better if you had split it up a little, as well as introducing a few sentences to help it flow a little more smoothly. However, other than a couple places like this, your structure was fairly good. I enjoyed how you provided background for your experiences and still managed to maintain a good flow to your writing.
Mostly, the writing stayed on topic and focused, which kept it interesting. However, there were a few odd sentences that were not strictly necessary, such as where you said, “Mind you, I’ve gone to a driving school to register for classes.†Although this does provide some background, it is not strictly necessary, as it does not pertain directly to the subject at hand. Other than a few such sentences, the overall composition of your writing was good.
I enjoyed how you organized your essay to provide the maximum effect of your experiences. If you had merely stated everything that happened and then gone into detail, the essay wouldn’t have been as good. The arrangement of your writing provides the best possible dramatic impact. The hinting and vague foreshadowing at the beginning of the writing kept me on my toes and wondering what was going to happen next.
The pace of the writing was also a plus. You kept things moving and, for the most part, didn’t linger on unimportant details, while still providing sufficient descriptions for each event, to the point where you weren’t leaving out anything that the reader would want to know. The snappy pace, combined with your good flow, made reading your essay enjoyable. Keeping it simple kept the writing on topic and focused.
That said, there are still a couple places that I think might have been better with just a little less detail. Your description of the conversation with the bus driver was a necessary element, but it might have been better if you had gone into a little less detail. Not all of the points in your conversation were strictly essential to your essay, as they did start to get a little off topic. Overall however, you stayed focused with important details.
The general feel of your essay was good. You kept things moving, you mostly stayed on topic, and you kept the readers attention. Other than a couple of redundant parts, I enjoyed reading your work. In the future, I would recommend trying to keep your writing a little more on topic. Other than that, you’re essay was excellent.
Sierra Russell-McCollum
From the first sentence, I was hooked into your story. I’m a sucker when it comes to the writer starting off with questions. By doing this I felt that you made the reader really think and get in the mindset of the topic you were about to talk about. Sometimes I feel as though I am the only person that has these bizarre encounters, so it was reassuring to read that I wasn’t alone. I grew up in Portland, Oregon and only recently moved to Fairbanks. I am constantly running into people who used to live in my area and it’s insane. I also relate to having a small world experience with my roommate. The day we both moved in we found out we had the same friend who was originally from Oregon who moved to Sitka, Alaska. When I found out my mind was blown.
My absolute favorite part of your story would have to be when you used Facebook terminology. I usually don’t laugh out loud while reading people’s writings but that made me laugh. Your writing is very upbeat and the description was done perfectly. I do wish though that you added scenery into your writing. I have never been to the cities you have lived in so they felt foreign to me while reading. You should add some descriptions about the cities and how you viewed them. There were some things you described like the building in Fairbanks, and you did a really good job. If you added more of that it would add more depth into your writing.
Another issue I had was your fifth paragraph. I had to stop reading it and start over. I feel like what your writing in there is important to the story but it’s too long. You can easily break it up into two paragraphs to make it easier to read for the reader. Other than that I felt everything else flowed really well. I really enjoyed when you were talking about your roommate. That’s crazy you guys became friends instantly because you guys had a few things in common, i.e. your birthdays. I have never had a crazy experience like that and I think that’s really cool you got to experience it and all the other run-ins you had with people.
When starting this narrative I instantly knew the topic you were writing about and I really like how straightforward you were. There was no need to ask what you were talking about, you had already laid it out for the reader. I have never heard of anyone describing the small world experience before. The way you did was so clear and understandable. I really liked the ending of your narrative. I liked hearing how you felt about your experiences, it was a really good way to pull things together and end the story. You did a very good job sticking to our plot throughout the writing and the stories you added definitely did a good job of taking it to another level.
Corbin Knapp
Hi Andy!
I found your essay really relatable! I also have had those instances where you are just talking to someone and you realize you have a lot in common with them. It is an amazing feeling! The only reason it happens with me is because I have lived in Alaska all my life and people will be like, “Oh yeah, I remember that road.†or “Yeah, I go there all the time!†It does make the world seem like a smaller place. I probably haven’t had as many of those coincidences as you , but I understand what you are saying.
It is mind blowing when you find someone with the same birthday as you! I only knew one person who had the same birthday as me and he was older than me by a couple years. It’s cool that so many people share your interest in old military vehicles. Some of the best interactions with people are when you first meet. It is slightly creepy that so many people lived on the same road that you grew up on. That’s the kind of coincidence that makes you think it isn’t coincidence at all.
If you wanted to expand on your piece, maybe add some more instances where you felt like something was a coincidence. It feels like more of an anecdote than a personal narrative essay because it’s hard to see what your struggle was about. You could include examples of an obstacle you had to overcome in your piece. Right now it is more of a pleasant description of something you have in common with people you just met. If you wanted to make your piece even better maybe try putting in more descriptions. I have found when I read I generally enjoy a piece more if it has colorful descriptions of the people and places in the piece.
Technically, your piece flows smoothly and transitions nicely between paragraphs. Some parts of the piece could be changed to make it more engaging for the reader however. For example when you wrote, “A couple of 1910’s brick buildings there which are historic landmarks that are presently being restored following a 2003 earthquake that killed two people and leveled much of another small town less that 15 minutes away;†This is an interesting fact, but I think that maybe readers will have a hard time connecting this to your piece. If you ever consider revising the piece, It might help to include more supporting facts about your topic.
Your piece was an interesting read that I think people can relate to, but parts of it felt more like a formal article in a magazine rather than a personal part of your life. I would have enjoyed learning more about your coincidences and the details concerning them. I hope this helps and I hope I wasn’t to critical. Enjoy your Sunday!
Katherine Whelchel
Hi Andrew!
Your story was very relatable, and I enjoyed reading it. I too am often surprised by how small our world is! We can meet people in the strangest places and end up being related to them! I once became friends with a woman who had just moved up to Alaska and was housesitting for my neighbor. As we became close I began to babysit her son and our relationship grew. A year later, we found out that we were related!
I am very extroverted, and I tend to talk with a lot of people. This leads to many unlikely conversations that reveal connections that are out of this world. I actually love moments like these, because it reminds me of just how close every person is.
Overall, I like your piece, but I felt like there was something missing. I wasn’t very excited about it. Not that you have to have crazy action or an intense climax, but I didn’t feel much heart. I wanted to dive into your mind and experience your internal processes and emotions. With creative non-fiction pieces like this, it is usually important to go back through and add unique details. Maybe even share random thoughts you had about your circumstances or how you were feeling.
The substance of your piece was good. I related to it and liked the storyline, I just was not left with anything at the end. Sometimes it is crucial to jazz your life up (without lying) to help the reader understand and connect more with your writing. You seem to be very smart, and you are definitely a talented writer with an extensive vocabulary. If you tap into your emotions a bit more and relate that into your writing, I think that you would be perfectly rounded!
I have personally struggled with bogging readers down with emotion, so I am having to learn how to add only the details that move the reader. As I read my papers over and over, I always think of a better way I could have described an emotion or a new thought I could have portrayed. As you re-read your papers, I encourage you to think of adding so much heart that it seems like a sappy hallmark movie 😉
Clearly, you are incredibly talented! I am looking forward to reading more of what you produce, and I hope that my comments were helpful and clear. I don’t want to sound harsh whatsoever because I admire your gift! Anyways, good luck with the rest of the class. I hope that you have many more “small world†experiences like the ones you wrote about; I hope you are continually amazed at how connected all humans are.
Naimy Schommer
I totally relate, Andy! It’s crazy how many day-to-day interactions lead to revelatory friendships!
I thought how you started the piece addressing the reader directly was fun, creative, and an artist choice that made this piece initially captivating. It draws the reader in and makes your story much more relatable and personal. I liked that touch.
When I first came to campus, I started hanging out with a pair of siblings I met through friends and general campus life. We became good friends throughout the first semester, and planned on hanging out when we were all visiting our respective parents back in Anchorage over Christmas break. During break, after grabbing coffee with them, my mom asked me who’d I’d gotten coffee with. I told her about my friends from campus and how we’d become close. She responded with: “Oh are they still blonde? They were always just the cutest little blonde kids.†and I was like ‘um…. what? That’s kind of creepy.’ As it turns out, I’d gone to pre-school with them in Anchorage nearly 18 years ago! I was blown away, and immediately texted my friends and told them that we’d been cubby-buddies for two years in pre-school. They were shocked too, and it ended up in a reunion dinner with our parents and everything. Our parents had been friends way back then as well. They used to take turns babysitting and carpooling us to pre-k! They’re even in some of my family’s old home movies!
I think this piece neatly sums up what its like to be confronted with a surprise encounter you weren’t counting on. You provide in-depth detail that makes your story come alive and keep the reader interested. This is a well-worded piece that makes me appreciate the little coincidences in my own life.
Although this piece is an accurate and creative description of your daily coincidences, I think it could benefit from a bit more resolution. I as a reader invested in your descriptions of these coincidences, would like to know if anything ever came of them. How did they change your course for the day/week/life etc…? Have you kept up a relationship with any people involved in the coincidences? Did you relay these stories to anyone else? If so, how did they react? Where they as surprised/impressed as you were? How has the situation with your roommate worked out? Will you be rooming together next year?
The last line, “even if you wanted to get away, it’s nearly impossible to actually do so†is sort of vague and largely formidable to me, personally. If “it’s nearly impossible to actually do so,†what do we do instead? I think this ending doesn’t reflect your points well and is a soft finish to an otherwise accurate and well-written narrative.
Caitlyn Williams
Hi Andy,
I liked the way you introduced your essay with pondering questions. I thought the overall tone of your work was curious and insightful. I also liked the way you reffered to yourself as a magnet to the coincidences. It put some humor in the piece, and it hooked me in. It made me want to find out more!
I felt like you could have gone into more depth about your parents break up, but I also understand that you were young, and it’s up to you to choose which areas to go more in depth in. It’s terrible to see someone you love struggle with alcoholism. My family here in Akiak struggle with alcoholism. It isn’t revealed in my essay, but part of the reason why I chose to move in with my dad was to get away from the verbal abuse my mom would put me through. I was grateful that I had other family to go to, and that they had accepted me to move in with them, so I really connected with this part of your essay.
While reading. I found myself wondering how Atascadero compared to Port Alexander. Was it a whole lot bigger, were there any similarities besides the people who knew both places? I’m glad you’ve been enjoying what Alaska has to offer! have you went and visited California since then?
I feel that, “Two hours later, I’m back waiting for the bus†could be a great transition in the 5th paragraph. I don’t know I want to say that it would make that paragraph easier to swallow, or it gave me time to collect myself.
“In the winter. In Alaska. In snow and ice.†could have made a great sentence, and the way it’s worded makes me think that it’s going to be a main part in your essay. It was abrupt, but the overall flow of your essay was pretty good. It was an interesting read, and it made me want to put more thought into the coincidences and moments that connect us as human beings!