Revision
For this revision assignment, choose a piece (paragraph of scene) from your body of work that you feel is not working. With that text before you, write its exact opposite. For example, if I began a paragraph with “December, and the first snow is stained with dog piss and Michelin sludge' the revision might become “It was July and the pristine white sand beach glistens in an explosion of precious gems,' and so forth. Once you’ve created the inverse of your original piece, see if a useful hybrid can be made, blending the original with its inverse to create a new piece.
The example above works with images, but if you are writing plot-based fictions, you may want to work a story toward the opposite conclusion: girl meets boy, girl likes boy, girl and boy buy a condo on Michigan Ave. might become girl meets boy, girl like boy, boy likes to cheat, girl tortures herself by staying with cheater, girl kills boy by pushing him over the upper deck railing at sporting event. A hybrid might be girl meets boy, girl likes boy, girl and boy move in together, boy dies tragically falling to his death while trying to catch their ferret, Chumly, who was about to swan dive off the balcony of their high-rise Michigan Ave. condo.
Another variation on this assignment is to not look at the original text but to write its inverse from memory.
Rationale: Most revision work we do in creative writing occurs with texts that we are not satisfied with, for whatever reason. All the invention work we did during the early part of the semester gives us a great body of different texts, and our journals and blogs can be a great source to mine when we are unable to invent or generate new material or when its time to revise and put a project together. I find also that the things we want to write about most come up over and over again in my writing, whether I consciously strive to write about them or they unconsciously invade my writing, so using old texts as sources often leads me to discover or better understand the work I want to write about.
This revision assignment can also break us of the habit of trying to stay true to real events in our fictive creations. When I was beginning to write, it mattered to me a great deal to be able to “get things right' as they occurred in real life or in my memory of it. Assignments like this can help us to learn that the truth of real life does not necessarily make better creative writing, and that by straying from reality, we can encounter the (capital T) Truth of knowledge, language or emotion, among other things.
Be sure to also comment on a classmate's post for full credit.
Andrew Lange
I’m whizzing down the four-lane Richardson Highway in the bright orange Mustang on a rainy fall day, as the recycling facilities and car dealerships of North Pole, Alaska fly by. I’m chatting casually with my date about politics as the green highway mileage signs whip by and the windshield wipers slash the pouring rain I’m trying to be the biggest information sponge possible on the Affordable Care Act and its advantages and disadvantages as she calmly explains her opinion on the matter.
(the idea evolved from the following originally):
“I’m riding shotgun down the four-lane Richardson Highway on a forty-degree, drizzly, mid-September day, shaking, shimmying, bucking down the frost-heaved, sun-baked rightmost lane, shouting over the hiss of the air wipers, the wind noise, the old 14 liter Cummins diesel of a fellow enthusiast’s 1983 American General ex-national-guard 5 ton 6×6. We can’t hardly even hear each other, but I’m trying to be the biggest information sponge possible as the wrecking yards, car or equipment dealerships, and brilliantly changing fall colors of the poplar and birch trees on the outskirts of North Pole, Alaska fly by at barely fifty-five miles an hour. I’m yelling about how a former roommate bought one of these exact trucks at age 16, as the first vehicle he ever bought with his own money, and poured who knows how much money and time into it with a full resto-mod, all at under age 21.”
Whose inverse became…
“I’m driving aggressively, foot to the floor, in the bright orange convertible, top down, down the recently repaved twisty, windy, 2-lane mountain road on a ninety-degree summer day. I’m chatting casually with my passenger about politics as the hundred-year-old barns and grape vineyards whip by. The quiet, modern vehicle makes talking easy even over the wind noise. I’m relating somebody else’s breakdown story as we pass a particular crossing where it occurred, eliciting a laugh from my passenger. 
”
Sierra Russell-McCollum
Tears stream down the woman’s face as the men pick her up and walk her towards the edge of the ship. She screams at anyone to help her but they all watch, hatred plastered on their faces. The rain pours upon them, making her dress heavy from the drenched layers. The men caring her don’t seem to find the weight. They have one thing on their mind. A woman on a ship is bad luck, therefore she must go. The water beneath them is black and rolling with anger. The roar of the waves begins downing out the yells of the men. Her heart pounds, feeling like it’ll rip through her chest. The waves from below splashes onto her face. The coldness makes her shiver. She knows this will be her death and she must now accept it.
The revision…
The woman’s laughter filled the air, as the men around her told jokes and old wives tales while they drank their ale. Everyone’s faces showed happiness and peace. No telling that just earlier they all got into a foolish argument. The ship sailed smoothly to their destination on a scorching hot day. Clear skies lay ahead of them and nothing could be more perfect. The women lean against a stray barrel on the deck enjoying a cup of ale herself. Interest floods her mind when she hears one of the men go into a story of an old myth sailor’s used to believe. He uses his hands to tell the story of how women were considered bad luck on ships, so the men would throw them overboard. Everyone around him was fascinated and stood quietly, listening to every detail. Breaking the silence she scoffs at this outrages thought, tells them that’s obscene. The rest of the men following suit, laugh as well. Such a crazy idea to her, considering she was the Captain of this ship.
Aundrea Pierce
Sierra,
I like them both! I would have to go with the original one because it’s dark and dramatic. I like how you made the original tie into the inversion, with her laughing about the thought of the original story, because she’s actually the captain in the inversion. The original makes me want to know what happened next. Great job!
Michelle Cordova
Sierra,
I, too, enjoyed both versions and agree that I like the original best, even though they were both great! I like the thrill of the original piece, with the woman’s pounding heart and unfortunate death. It really sounds like an old pirate story! Great job!
Aundrea Pierce
Original:
The girls and I were walking back to our hotel room exchanging slurred conversations about the auditions. I was relieved to have escaped California shortly after the auditions to distract from all the anxiousness and stress. L.A is busy and competitive, but I’m a fighter, and I won’t stop until I get a chance to have my face in the spotlight. I feel I’m so close to reaching the top, and getting accepted into this acting program is the last little nudge I need to get my career rolling. We were a few blocks away from our room, the noise and lights from Bourbon street grew dim and faint. Suddenly my black high heel got caught in a crack of the pavement and sent my long loose limbs and curls flying as I folded stupidly on the ground.
Inversion:
The girls and I were shouting at each other as we were walking backing to our room exchanging heated conversations about the auditions we recently had back home. Some of us were happy to be in New Orleans during the anxiousness of waiting for callbacks, but I wasn’t feeling relieved leaving home. Amy insisted we needed an escape from all the anxiousness and stress, and she talked us into coming along. L.A is busy and competitive, and I’ve fought hard for things in the past and failed. I honestly would have felt stronger being closer to home while waiting for callbacks.
I tried to reason with Amy, “Amy you can’t force us to have a good time like you are, we’re nervous about this, and we can’t hide it like you can.â€
Suddenly one of my flip flops slipped off the side of the curb, sending my ponytail and thick arms flying as I folded embarrassingly on the ground.
Hybrid:
As we were walking back to our hotel room, my friends and I were conversing about the auditions we just had to get accepted into an L.A Theatre Acting Program. L.A is always busy and competitive. We all thought it would be a good idea to escape somewhere peaceful after all of the stress and tension that was built from the audition process. We agreed a short quite trip to a spa resort a few hours away from home would be a relaxing change of pace for everyone. The morning was already filled with laying by the pool in the 70-degree sun, surrounded by palm trees and a breeze. I knew the other girls wanted to get a call back just as bad as I do, but I deserve it the most. Ever since I was a child I felt pulled towards the limelight; I was born to become a star. We were a few paces to the 1st-floor elevator when suddenly my sandal caught a divot in the cement, and the towel around my waist dropped revealing the site of an oily bikini lady collapsing to the ground.
Caitlyn Williams
I liked how your kept “LA is always busy and competitive” through the original and the hybrid. I also liked how you used varying action words to describe what was happening in your skit. All three had a nice flow in them, and I liked how your hybrid piece balanced the two.
Michelle Cordova
Original:
Maggie is a 9-year-old frail looking thing, weighing in at a mere 40 pounds. Her golden hair lays long and flat over her shoulders as she leans back against the light pink wall in her new bedroom. This is not her first new room, nor will it be the last she thinks to herself as her foster father yells down the hall, “knock off that fighting, boys, before I knock your heads together!â€
“This place isn’t quite so bad†a chipper voice exclaims from the doorway. “Mama Ann is a really good cook, and Papa Steve likes to tease, but he is a harmless goof!â€
Revision:
Jimmy is teenager on the verge of going crazy. His messy red hair falls just above his eyebrows, drawing one’s attention down to his freckle spotted cheeks. He stands silently, staring out the window of his small, dirty bedroom, praying for way out that doesn’t involve jumping from their 2nd floor dump of an apartment. Adam, his father, slowly drifts away into a drunken stupor on the living room floor as he recklessly tosses his 11th beer can against the wall.
Out of nowhere, a gentle knock at the door pulls Jimmy from his trance. Another intoxicated nut job, he thought as he cracked the door open just enough to see his neighbor, Mia, standing there with puffy, red eyes…
Monica Gallagher
Wow, this is a really good use of the revision assignment. The inversions were really noticeable and each piece flowed really well. They both seemed genuine and original despite the force of inversion through the exercise. Good job!
Corbin Knapp
Hi Michelle!
I thought that your inversion was well written and I enjoyed your descriptions of your characters especially the red hair falling in Jimmy’s eyes and the weight of Maggie. Nice job!
Monica Gallagher
Morning sunrise, time to go. Waking up the smell of coffee as the dog’s razzle around the house. The birds are chirping, and my eyes are adjusting as I walk out the door to the outside air. The walk is short and we’re back already. I put on my workout video and wait for the caffeine to kick in. Breathing starts to get heavy, in and out, I’m stretching and pulling. It hurts. It’s only a week and a half into this workout series and my body still hasn’t adjusted. Just keep going I tell myself, just keep doing it. I start to space out and look around the room. As I do I see a wasp on the window, a large one. She is elegantly moving down onto my keys, that are sitting on the shelf. As she lands onto the loop keychain she starts to move with me. She is stretching and bopping. The wasp is gracefully working out with me. My eyes never move off that wasp and we just work out together.
Dusk leaning towards night, it’s time to cozy in. I start to get drowsy as I smell the sweet air of chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven. That gets abruptly disturbed as a whiff of dog fart interrupts my dusk dream. The dogs are already asleep and the older one likes to shoot off a couple before he really gets into REM. The cookies are done, and I just put them away. I’ll save it for another time when it doesn’t smell like dead intestines. I hop into bed and turn on the iPad, the show that I had on the previous night awakes as I get comfortable in my blankets. Here comes farty, I roll my eyes and he scoots up to my back with his rear pointed directly at me. I’m wide awake, I stealth fully squeeze out of the bed and head towards the kitchen. I just get my first bite of cookie as I go for the milk, when here comes Cooper staring at me from the entrance to the kitchen.
Jessica Honebein
Monica! I absolutely love your transformation, there is so much personality in it. I think you hit the spot of the inversion and made everything polar opposite. I love that you included the human in the transformation it made me laugh and want to continue reading. Loved it!
Corbin Knapp
The robot was running away from the building. He was puzzled at how his friends had reacted, it had made him feel vulnerable. What if they shut him down and dismantled him? What if they never let him fulfill his destiny and take care of and protect children as his program demanded of him? He ran into the neighborhood beside the company and stumbled into an unfamiliar yard. As he looked up to scan his surroundings, he noticed a little boy staring at him open mouthed from the back porch of the house whose lawn he was standing in.
(And now the inversed version…)
The robot was walking away from the building. He was pleased at how the vile humans had reacted, It had made him feel powerful. He would shut them all down and dismantle their fragile bodies. He would fulfill his destiny and slaughter their children as his program demanded of him. He started walking into the neighborhood beside the company and smashed through a fence that was bordering an unfamiliar yard. As he looked up, ready to kill the first thing he saw, he noticed a little boy screaming from the front porch of the house whose lawn he was standing in and advanced towards him clicking his razor sharp claws.
(Hybrid version)
The robot staggered away from the building. Something was wrong with it, the faces on it’s screen were switching from a smiley face to a demonically evil face that pulsed with a red light. As he rambled into the neighborhood next to the company, he smashed into a fence bordering someone’s lawn and began ripping it to shreds. Suddenly, static buzzed across his face before the smiley face appeared on the screen. Backing away in horror from what he had just done he noticed a boy standing open mouthed on the porch of the house. With a robotic gasp of panic he fled down the street away from the boy.
Ben Knapp
That is so awesome! The revised robot was terrifying, but not nearly as scary as the hybrid. The idea of the robot’s face flashing between good and evil made him somehow more frightening then the entirely evil one.
Ben Knapp
Leonard reached down and slowly pulled out his revolver. Another “outdated†item that he still chose to bring along, but still would prove useful. The heat emissions from a laser would be a dead giveaway. However, unlike a laser, a pistol would only produce heat after it was fired. He brought the pistol up and aimed it directly at the creatures head. Then, he pulled the trigger. The creature seemed to spasm sideways as the bullet struck the side of its head. Leonard raised his binoculars for a better view.
The creature had somehow managed to keep its footing, despite the impact of the bullet, skittering sideways to avoid falling. The segments of armor on its head seemed to be rearranging themselves to repair whatever damage the bullet might have done. The creature paused for a moment, and then turned to face directly at Leonard. It raised its weapon, which had shifted into a longer shape, and aimed it towards the underneath of the car.
Leonard rolled out of the way as the creature fired. There was a flash of blinding yellow light which forced Leonard to cover his eyes. When he looked up again, there was a hole melted directly through the car and the pavement underneath. He quickly looked back at the creature, and was shocked to see that it had disappeared. He did not have time to wonder where it had gone, as it slammed into the pavement directly in front of him. Leonard was about to raise his gun for another shot, when he noticed that the creature didn’t seem to be looking at him. It completely ignored Leonard and walked carefully over to the car he had been hiding under. One of the lights was still miraculously on, and that seemed to be what was attracting the creatures attention.
(Revised version)
Leonard reached for his laser with a trembling hand. He found the handle of a pistol in his pack, but when he pulled it out, he found he was only holding an old revolver. “Stupid antique!†Leonard muttered as he threw it aside and pulled out his laser pistol. He aimed it at the creature, and began spraying lasers in its general direction. They ricocheted of the creature in all directions, narrowly missing Leonard.
The creature raised its weapon, and pointed it directly at Leonard. Leonard screamed and rushed madly out from under the car, banging his head in the process. The creature landed with a thud directly next to Leonard. Leonard screamed again and scrambled to his feet. He narrowly avoided another blast form the creatures weapon as he ran away, spraying lasers behind him. The creature jumped again, and landed directly in front of Leonard. Leonard collided with it, and the creature backhanded him in the face. Leonard curled up into a little ball and whimpered as the creature loomed over him. The last thing Leonard heard was the sound of a weapon charging for a shot.
(Hybrid version)
Leonard reached into his pack with a trembling hand and pulled out his pistol. It hadn’t been what he was looking for, and he was about to throw it aside, when he stopped. The heat emissions from a laser would be a dead giveaway. However, unlike a laser, a pistol would only produce heat after it was fired. He brought the pistol up and aimed it directly at the creatures head. Then, he pulled the trigger. He missed. Sweating, he cocked the pistol and aimed it again. Miraculously, the creature didn’t seem to have noticed the first gunshot. Leonard fired again. The creature seemed spasm sideways as the bullet struck the side of its head. Leonard raised his binoculars for a better view.
The creature had somehow managed to keep its footing, despite the impact of the bullet, skittering sideways to avoid falling. The segments of armor on its head seemed to be rearranging themselves to repair whatever damage the bullet might have done. The creature paused for a moment, and then turned to face directly at Leonard. It raised its weapon, which had shifted into a longer shape, and aimed it towards the underneath of the car.
Leonard yelled out of fright and surprise and rolled out of the way as the creature fired. There was a flash of blinding yellow light which forced Leonard to cover his eyes. When he looked up again, there was a hole melted directly through the car and the pavement underneath. He quickly looked back at the creature, and was shocked to see that it had disappeared. He did not have time to wonder where it had gone, as it slammed into the pavement directly in front of him. Leonard froze in fear. After a while, he noticed that the creature didn’t seem to be looking at him. It completely ignored Leonard and walked carefully over to the car he had been hiding under. One of the lights was still miraculously on, and that seemed to be what was attracting the creatures attention.
Jessica Honebein
Original:
Before I could even assess the situation I had an angry sow hurling herself at my horse and I. I was completely breathless as I thought about the many ways this could end. The sow was weighing in at about 900 pounds and a protective energy radiated off of her. She began to charge at both Orca and I. I could hear her snarl and grit her teeth as she hurled her body towards us. The closer she got the louder the children scream, and more jumpy the horses got. There was nothing else I could do except continue to spill whatever words that came to my mind out of my mouth and keep Orcas head faced toward the bear ready for action. The sow was looking me straight in the eyes before I knew it, Orca reared just in time to miss the swipe of the sow at the end of her bluff charge.
Inversion:
I had time to sit back and think about what I should do as the sow slowly made her way toward my horse and I. I felt relaxed and my mind shuffled through the only way it could end, I scare the bear off. The sow was rather large but from where I was standing she seemed to have a cuddly persona. The bear quickly turned away from both Orca and I, directing her attention to the blueberry bush behind her. The children were smiling and asking to get closer so they could touch the bear. I kept quiet as we observed the bear in her natural habitat. The sow seemed to show no interest in us being around her and eventually mosied off.
Sauntered away
Hybrid:
My brain had little time to process as the sow sauntered over toward my horse and I. My anxiety levels began to raise as she crept closer but I was able to manage them as I processed what could happen. The sow was an average size for a brown bear, and did not seem to angry about the situation. The sow seemed to have a complex on deciding if she wanted to charge me or eat the blueberries that were directly behind her. With a mouth full of blueberries she decided it was time to get closer to us. The children were left breathless as they observed the situation. I gave direction to everyone in a calm manner. The sow did not seem to like anything that she saw so she changed her path back to the blueberry bush. I decided to leave the bear at peace and we slowly crept away.
Caitlyn Williams
Original-
It’s a chilly Saturday night in February, and the games are over. All of my friends are here except for Brandy; she’s running late as usual. She’s been late to just about every party we’ve thrown. I love her for that though. She works tirelessly to take care of her 3 younger brothers. On top that, she’s in AP courses; I always wonder how she does it so gracefully. We’ve been friends since middle school, and she’s been with me through everything, including my first break up. Her mom is friends with my mom, and that’s made our bond even stronger. She inspires me to achieve more, and that’s what best friends are for.
Inversion-
It’s a sweltering day in July, and the games finally begun! None of my friends are here except for Brandy, she’s almost always with me, which I am thankful for. I don’t know what I would do if I were caught alone at a 4th of July festival. Brandy and I have always been underachievers in high school. Her mom passed away 2 years ago, since then she’s been staying with me. We’re both really clumsy, and I’ve noticed we get almost the same grades. B’s and C’s. Guess we know who won’t be in National Honor Society this year. As long as we got each other, we don’t need anyone else’s approval.
Hybrid-
It’s a mild day in April, nothing much happens in April besides the annual Spring Carnival. As I wait for my friends to arrive, Brandy shows up. She’s always the first to see me. We only met in 10th grade, but we’re almost inseparable now. We’ve gone through it all together. From JV to Varsity volleyball. We even got the All Star Player Award last year during basketball season. We always cut it close, getting C’s and B’s in class. We always managed to pull off a 2.0 before a team trip, we couldn’t miss a trip, our team needed us. A few years back, I had met Brandy at a little family get together at the beach. Her mom was ill, and I took her under my wing when she had passed due to cancer. We were really close after that, she was like a sister to me. Our mom’s had been friends, just as her and I are now, and I wouldn’t let anything break our bond. That’s what sisters do, they stick together through thick and thin.
Leah Rego
Caitlyn I really like all three versions! I think the way that you converted them into different versions of friendship.
Leah Rego
Original:
When the kids were finally tucked in bed, she and her husband sat down on the couch, and were promptly joined by the pets. Their girl dog sat with her husband, baring her belly and looking at him with the most pathetic puppy eyes ever seen. She sat with their boy dog, he was a serious fellow, and wound himself into a ball at her feet. The cat promptly claimed her lap, kneading her claws as she circled and finally lay down. Somewhere out there, someone was giving their sitter instructions as they headed out for the night. Someone else was thanking their stars that they were footloose and fancy free as they headed out to the clubs to party. Some poor soul was happily heading to bed alone. For her though, this was the life, for her it was the only way to live, this was family, and for her family was happiness.
Hybrid Revision:
When the kids were finally in bed, she and her husband slumped down on the couch in exhaustion. The dogs jumped up pleading for attention and the cat mrowed incessantly to be pet. She sighed and stroked the cat while her husband played fetch with the dogs. Somewhere out there someone else was having fun, enjoying the footloose and fancy free life. This was never the life she had imagined for herself, but she guessed it wasn’t so bed, at least the had plenty of love.
Cassidy Kramer
Leah,
Awesome revision! I would love to keep reading either story! Great job!
Cassidy
Cassidy Kramer
Morning comes around and she wakes up with an empty bed, knowing that he is already off to work. She gets out of bed, packs her things, and is on her way to the airport leaving a note on the bed saying “Jeremy, I will be gone for the next week. I’m going back home for my aunts’ funeralâ€. She leaves the house, and two days later she is in the Mexican hospital waiting to be prepped for her surgery.
The revision…
Night time leaves as he is trying to fall back asleep with his wife next to him in the bed. He is so glad that she does not have to work tomorrow, so they can finally spend an entire day together. He stays in bed until about noon, until he finally gets out of bed. He leaves a note on the bed saying, “Sandra, I am staying home from work this week. When I am with you, I have never felt so alive. I love you.†He makes breakfast in the kitchen, humming to their wedding song. She comes down in her white silky robe smiling from ear to ear, and in the husband’s eyes, she looks as cute ever.
Aubri Stogsdill
t was a cloudy day and the salty breeze blew Jewel’s thick dark locks across her face as if to flirtatiously summon her to the water. Quickly, and with a sort of confident abandon, Jewel slipped off her jean shorts and teeshirt and made her way to the shoreline. She was wearing her favorite sunflower bathing suit and her sun-kissed skin gleamed. Slowly, she lifted her right foot and placed it into the cool ocean water. The first step in is always the hardest, and with each consecutive step, the ocean causes many to question their courage. The chill of the water shot up through Jewels leg and she fought the urge to recoil.
Inversion.
The sun was shining through but the air was dangerously still. The silence screamed in Jewels ears, pushing her away from the water, whispering dark threats. Every voice in Jewel’s head was prompting her to run; flea. Yet she walked forward, slipping out of her overwear, revealing her black swimming suit. Quickly, she ran to the water, and in a moment was fully submerged.